Books for All Times

 … is what they said about Teacher of the Year, the book.
Wait until you hear what they’ll be saying about Teacher of the Year, the play.

Erda Von Schwantz, the sex educationist, who has mastered the art of penetrating the minds of her students and who then uses the information to write the definitive book on adolescent perversion; Roger Murphy, the ‘vitamin” pill distributor for a Jamaican manufacturer, who also is a movie producer of adult bookstore art films; Borlinda Borgia, the born-again Christian, who through the guidance of Roger and Erda learns to use her body for God’s work; Pepe/Pepita Noriega, the transvestite school principal, who uses Roger’s vitamins to seduce Niko Papalodopoulos the straight counselor before he can save Pepe/Pepita from him/herself; Phyllis Jaffe, the bullish superintendent, who gives up her worldly ways and dedicates her life to Bible readings, teas, and Borlinda’s mother. But most of all you will meet the greatest teacher alive, a teacher of impeccable heritage and education, a teacher whose infinite wisdom saves the public schools from scandal:  

But that isn’t all. This paced, focused play will deliver one hell of a punch.
Each scene connects to a strong, fun storyline that will keep audiences riveted and laughing, and (forgive me!) thinking. None of the characters are stock; each is an actor's dream, waiting for the right talent to give it theatrical life.
   

A Harrison Ford type will work very well as the lead character, teacher-of-the-year Frank Hamme. Such an actor can do an excellent job at giving straight delivery to some really funny lines and scenes. The transvestite principal, Pepe/Pepita Noriega, can be any burly and manly cross-dresser, and the born-again-Christian, Borlinda Borgia, may be a 17-year-old Marilyn Monroe look-alike with lots of tits and brains. Her boy friend, Roger Murphy, may be any popular teen-age idol who knows how to use his good looks and body to manipulate others.  Perhaps the most delightful character is Erda Von Schwantz, a physically fit, sensuous black or white woman who is woman enough to reduce a Harrison Ford type to his knees with her "charms."  

Of course, there are other characters (totaling eight, not including a few minor doubles).  All of them play off each other with verve and style, and in such an amusing way that they will turn this original play with its cerebral twists into a money-maker that will please both those who just want entertainment and those who need more.  
 
In 2005, I had a reading of the play at the National Press Club of Washington, where it was well received by a full house of educators, media types and Washingtonians. After making a few changes to the dialogue and plot, I turned the story into what it is today, a breezy, two-act comedy with a swift, clear focus that will win its share of accolades from critics, anywhere!